No doubt you have heard that phrase relating to the challenges we encounter in life. Negative experiences can either make us bitter or better. Guess who determines which way it goes? Often, that crossroad is the result of someone wronging us in some hurtful way. The pain can be from years of abuse, or from very public shaming from someone in authority over us. It can even be caused by something relatively small that we let fester and grow in our hearts. Our spirit wants vengeance.

Leadership expert and spiritual mentor Fred Smith says that if we choose bitterness, it leads to poison in our soul. Smith says:

“Revenge has no place in the mature life… it is an acid that eats away at the inner being.”

The Apostle Paul must have seen some of that creeping into the lives of Christ-followers in Rome. He wrote to them to be careful in this area. There is a better way than to go after someone who has wronged you.

Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the LORD.

Romans 12:19 NLT

A devotional from Dr. Henry Blackaby reminds us of how we should think and act when we have faced a hurtful action.

We are to desire justice, but we are not to seek vengeance. When someone offends us, our responsibility is to respond to the offense with forgiveness. God takes the responsibility to see that justice is done. God loves people too much to allow sin to go unchecked.

Experiencing God Day by Day, Henry Blackaby

That last line says so much. God acts out of His deep love. We often seek to act out of a hurt spirit, taking revenge into our own hands.

Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius, known as one of the last “good” emperors, offered his formula for dealing with someone who has wronged us. He said, “The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury.”

Can we trust God to do what He says He will do? The desire for revenge may be a big test for us when we face incidents and actions that hurt us to our core. Do we become bitter or, by God’s grace, do we allow the Lord to use this in our lives to help us become more like Christ?

Fred Smith, while acknowledging that some incidents cut deeply, says those who choose to let go of revenge actually grow through the hurt and the pain. Smith says:

“…there are many who live with grace and forgiveness. These can move on to maturity and health.”

Have you faced one of “those” moments? Have you allowed thoughts of revenge to move you toward bitterness? Now is to show how much you trust and love the Lord. God will exact His revenge in His way and in His time.

Let’s choose the better way.

God’s best,