I can’t tell you how many times my wife must repeat something she has said to me. It isn’t a problem with my hearing (although my many years of radio might have had some impact). It is a problem with my listening. And it isn’t just with my wife. I find if I am not focused on listening—really listening—to someone, I will quickly forget what they said. Does anybody else relate to that?

The good news is unlike some physical hearing problems, this is correctable…with practice. Fred Smith was a mentor to top CEOs and key ministry leaders, and he had some great thoughts for leaders on listening that really hit home.

“Most people listen negatively, which is simply keeping silent or reloading while the other one is shooting. Acquiring the skills of active listening guides the talker both in the giving of facts and a display of emotion which permits the listener to evaluate on more than a surface level.”

Fred Smith also outlined some ways to develop better listening and communicating.

“Most leaders are adequate talkers, but inadequate listeners. The ability to listen creatively and positively depends on the leader’s skill development on four levels:

1) The meaning of the words. Often vocabulary is an evidence of experience, education, and background;

2) The choice of words. I have friends with impeccable word usage. They have a wide, diverse repertoire which allows them to be very specific;

3) The sounds of the words. Words are emotionally charged. We can pick up what is going on just by hearing the tone, and rhythm;

4) The sight of the words. I would say this falls into the body language category. What we say is actually seen in our bodily reactions. When we think we are not communicating, our bodies are sending messages.”

For me, the key is to focus on the person with whom you are speaking and not be distracted by others or by random thoughts. One article on active listening gave these suggestions to improve your ability to listen and not just hear:

Face the speaker and maintain eye contact.

  • Be attentive and relaxed.
  • Keep an open mind.
  • Don’t interrupt or cut them off.
  • Ask questions to clarify what they are saying.
  • Give the speaker regular feedback.
  • Pay attention to nonverbal cues.

A quick check of the New Living Bible translation of God’s Word shows 584 references for the word “listen.” Solomon, as he began his compendium of wisdom we call Proverbs, said:

Let the wise listen to these proverbs and become even wiser.
Let those with understanding receive guidance.

Proverbs 1:5 NLT

So… are you listening…or just hearing?

God’s best,