How many love conflict in ministry…or anywhere? Raise your hand! Nope…I don’t either. But there are times when the leader must step in and deal with conflict and confrontation.

Fred Smith says, “The Christian community has done a very poor job with confrontation. I am convinced the level of individual accomplishment in Christian organizations is notoriously lower (as a whole) than it should be because unlike business, the leaders confuse the presence of love with the absence of confrontation.”

Our ministries are important. The leadership we give needs to reflect that understanding. It means that the team and the mission are more important than any one individual. And if conflict arises, it needs to be dealt with for the good of the ministry and its mission. That is the role of a leader.

John Maxwell feels most people want to be part of something bigger than themselves. Leaders need to call their team to the highest level of that expectation. Maxwell says, “… most team members want to succeed at what they do. That means that if correction is handled with care, most people will be fairly open to change and improvement.”

Maxwell even has a Ten Commandments of Confrontation. The list starts with confronting in private and doing it as soon as possible. He also reminds leaders to stick to the main point, and to remember to highlight the person’s positive contributions. But…proper confrontation is critical if the ministry or organization is going to accomplish its mission.

Some may say, “Well, I don’t want to ruin a friendship in the process of confronting a team member.” Fred Smith says that is wrong thinking. He says your friendship should be the basis for the appropriate confrontation. Smith says, “Until I am willing to risk a relationship with a truthful confrontation, that relationship really isn’t worthwhile.”

I know, it isn’t pleasant to think about confrontation as part of your leadership role. But it is both critical and necessary. Think of Jesus’ leadership. Did he confront those around him? Absolutely. In Matthew 16 we see an amazing encounter between Jesus and his disciples, especially Simon Peter. Jesus asks who people say He is. Peter was the one who declared, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.” And Jesus went out of His way to commend Peter, calling him blessed and declaring him a “rock.”

But just moments later as Jesus began to explain what would happen in the coming days, predicting his arrest, death, and resurrection, Peter pipes up and says, “Not on my watch!” Immediately Jesus confronts Peter in the harshest of terms. Remember?

Jesus turned to Peter and said, “Get away from me, Satan! You are a dangerous trap to me. You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God’s.”

Matthew 16:23 NLT

Jesus didn’t confront Peter’s wrong thinking because he didn’t like Peter. He did so out of love and because the cause of Christ, His mission, was so very critical.

God has placed you in a leadership role. Your most important job is not to be friends with everyone on your team. (By the way, the same is true for parents and their children.) Your greatest role is to keep the team pointed toward the God-given goal and the ministry’s mission…even if it means occasional confrontation.

God’s best…