Some truths are easy to digest. Chocolate ice cream is good. Majestic, snow-capped mountains are beautiful. The giggle of a little child is delightful. But some truths are harder to process. Like this truth from leadership guru Fred Smith:

“Aloneness is chosen; loneliness is imposed.”

When I read that recently I had to take time and think through it. And I had to read further to see how Fred Smith arrived at that. Smith was moving into an executive role at a major shoe company when his boss and mentor Maxie Jarman confronted him.

“Fred, how far do you want to go?” “Mr. Jarman, I want to go as far as I can.” He responded, “Then learn to live with loneliness.”

The startling truth is that those who lead find they cannot relate to their staff as they might with close friends. Smith says,

“Aloneness is chosen; loneliness is imposed. It can be imposed by responsibility…for example, an executive who is highly functioning can never really be ‘one of the boys.’”

Smith goes on to relate a story of an executive who shared everything with many people on his staff. His challenges, his vision for the future for the company, and his concerns. What happened was that different ones formed different opinions and set their mind in one direction or another. Then, when the executive made a decision, there was a faction that was immediately against the decision…and that brought on unnecessary strife in the organization. Smith called it abdicating his leadership to create a comfortable environment.

Is it OK to share things with some of the staff? Smith says that for a leader, “Talking over his potential decisions is valuable if and only if he chooses the right person and assesses his motivation.”

Do you remember the story of King Rehoboam found in 1 Kings 12? Solomon’s son was faced with a decision regarding the treatment of some of the Israelites. Rehoboam sought counsel of his father’s older advisors who encouraged him to treat the Israelites kindly. But Rehoboam went to his own young advisors who said he needed to be even harsher to them. The counsel he received from these men brought strife and grief. Their advice was born out of their own personal agenda.

When all Israel realized that the king had refused to listen to them, they responded,

“Down with the dynasty of David!

We have no interest in the son of Jesse.

Back to your homes, O Israel!

Look out for your own house, O David!”

1 Kings 12:16 NLT

A wedge was driven between a people that was unnecessary.

You as a leader may need to set yourself apart from others on your team. Think of the times Jesus went off by himself to pray. He chose to be alone as he sought His Father’s direction for His purpose and plan.

Choosing aloneness.

As Fred Smith says,” The loneliness of leadership must be accepted as part of the price.” Are you willing to pay that price to lead effectively?

God’s best…