Someone joked that 95 percent of being married is yelling “What?” from the other room. Funny… and sadly pretty accurate.

I guess it would be worse if the couple were in the same room…or even talking face-to-face. Active listening ought to be a tool we keep close at hand. It would keep us from saying “what” so often and help end those embarrassing moments when we immediately forget the name of someone we just met.

Leadership coach Paul Casey has identified five levels of listening, with the goal of moving to better understanding and more effective relationships. These range from the common way most of us listen to a goal we should set for ourselves and work toward.

  1. Waiting to talk. (Self-focused)
    You’re quiet, but only because you’re thinking about what you’ll say next.
  2. Hearing the Words. (Distracted)
    You catch parts of the conversation, but your attention drifts.
  3. Understanding the message. (Focused)
    You are tuned in. You hear not just the words, but what they mean. You’re listening to understand.
  4. Recognizing emotions. (Empathetic)
    You go deeper. You sense their emotional state and recognize how they feel, not just what they say.
  5. Hearing what’s unsaid. (Fully present)
    You pick up on the deeper meaning, the things they struggle to express, and what they need you to hear.

Sorry to say, I live in the first two categories. I strive to move to the other levels of listening more and more each day.

God’s Word doesn’t overlook the importance of active listening. Solomon pointed out the danger of poor listening habits.

He who gives an answer before he hears,
It is folly and shame to him.

Proverbs 18:13 NASB

And James spelled it out this way:

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

James 1:19 NLT

Paul Casey concludes, “When leaders listen at the deeper levels, teams feel seen, problems get clearer, and relationships strengthen. It is one of the most underrated leadership skills we can practice daily.”

Of course, as Christians, we have our Lord’s example of how we should listen. And we know the impact it has on our lives.

I love the Lord because he hears my voice
and my prayer for mercy.
Because he bends down to listen….

Psalm 16:1-2 NLT

So… did you hear what I said? More importantly, do you hear what God says to you? It might surprise you what could happen if we listen more actively to those around us… and to our Lord.

God’s best,